Tell me a Joke!

1. A man spots a young lady at the market pushing a pram with a very cute baby.
– What a cute baby, you have, ma’am! What’s his name?
– He’s not my baby, you idiot, he’s my dinner!

2. A Doctor receives a strange patient who glows.
– You see, Doctor, he says, everybody is ignoring me lately, my family, my colleagues,  even the cashier at the supermarket, she doesn’t even charge me for my shopping…. I’m very depressed!
– Well, Sir, sorry to have to tell you this, but you must realise that you are now dead and you have become a Ghost….
– What? Dead? A Ghost? If I am so dead, then why do I still get speeding tickets?!

3. A young woman goes to see the sex therapist.
– You see, my lover keeps on repeating the whole  periodic table of the elements when we’re in bed. I tell him to stop, but he ignores me. I think I’m not hot.
– Oh, I see. What is your relationship to your lover?
– I’m his Physics teacher!!!!

4. A man goes to an Alzheimer Charity to whom he has donated a lump some of money and asks for his money back, because he’s struggling.
– Sorry, Sir, we cannot remember you donating that amount of money to us, so we cannot return it to you!

5. A one year old toddler surprises his parents one evening by saying his first words.
–  Bu- bu- buy me a Porsche!!
His parents are amused, when suddenly the toddler starts reciting Shakespeare verses.
– Wait a moment,  Sharon, we have brought into this world a grnuine genius! Say something more baby…
The child recites the multiplying table,  in multiples of teen numbers, and then says
– Buy me a Porsche NOW!!!
The father is baffled and thinks.
– Okay,  son, I’ll buy you a Porsche if you give me the combination number to the safe at my Bank!
– That’s fine dad, I’ll give you the combination number to the safe… but you ought to buy me the Porsche FIRST!!!

6. A Father is broke and goes into a food bank.
– I have no food in my fridge.  Could you sort me out, please?
– No food in your fridge? You must be thankful you have a fridge! Many, many, people around the world can’t even afford to buy a fridge!

That’s all for today, friends!!!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Books-Sandra-Zouak/s?rh=n%3A266239%2Cp_27%3ASandra+Zouak